The Dying of the Light
by bluedragon1836
Summary: I don't want to die." But in the end, he has no choice. "The End of Time" from the Doctor's perspective. Spoilers for that two parter.


**Spoilers for "End of Time part two." Just for those of you who haven't seen it yet. I cried. A lot. Anyway, this is maybe the last fifth of the episode or something. I had to write it, regardless of how sad it might be. By-the-by, the title of this story comes from the name of an unreleased music track on youtube, created by MI7GTAF. Look it up - beautiful. It'd be a good soundtrack for reading this story to. Enjoy.**

**The Dying of the Light**

_I don't want to die. _

Gasping in pain, the Doctor staggered towards his TARDIS through the falling snow. He was dying; he could feel it deep inside.

_I don't want to die. _

The snow was cold on his face. Inside he burned, his body dying. He leaned on the brick wall, staring dully out at the white courtyard he had still to cross. Pain racked his whole body; he couldn't hold it back. Not anymore.

"_I'm going to die."_

"_Well, so am I someday," Wilf said._

_That thought was too hard to think about. "Don't you dare."_

"_Alright, I'll try not to." He chuckled, but I couldn't join him._

"_But I was told. He will knock four times. That was a prophecy. Knock four times and then . . ." Then I would die. _

"_Yeah, but I thought, when I saw you before, you said that your people could change, like, your whole body." _

"_I can still die. If I'm killed before regeneration than I'm dead. Even than, even if I change, it feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away. And I'm dead."_

_I don't want to die._

He took a step away from the supporting wall, struggling to stay upright. Another step. And another. And another. God, it hurt! And the TARDIS seemed so far away.

"_Now how about you? Who've you got now?"_

"_No-one," I answered, trying to ignore the wave of loneliness that accompanied that statement. "I'm traveling alone. I thought it would be better if . . . but I did some things, it went wrong. I need . . ." Emotion overwhelmed me and I could see it reflected in Wilf's eyes. _

The Doctor cried out, collapsing to the snow as pain overwhelmed his senses. When he was able to look up, Ood Sigma was standing there just a few feet away.

"We will sing to you, Doctor," he said. "The universe will sing you to your sleep." Music trickled into the Doctor's mind, beautiful and sad. Struggling to his feet, the song filling his mind, the Last Time Lord walked resolutely to the blue police box sitting in the corner.

"This song is ending," Ood Sigma told him, "but the story never ends."

_But I don't want my song to end. I don't want to die._

_Wilf's voice was authoritative and insistent as he held out the little gun. "Now you take this. That's an order, Doctor. Take the gun. You take the gun and save your life! And, please don't die, you're the most wonderful man and I don't want you to die!" I saw the tears start in his eyes, heard the desperation in his voice . . . _

The TARDIS was warm and comforting. The Doctor leaned against the door as it closed behind him. Straightening with an effort, he walked toward the center console.

"_I'm alive." My whole body ached from head to toe, but I was still me. "I . . . I'm still alive." Sobs of relief wracked by chest. And then I heard it. One-two-three-four. On the glass door of the chamber. Four knocks. One-two-three-four. My hearts sank as the meaning of the prophecy became suddenly clear. He will knock four times._

_I sat slowly up and turned to look at Wilfred Mott._

"_They gone then?" he asked. "Yeah, good-o. If you could, uh, let me out?" _

"_Yeah."_

"_Only, this thing seems to be making a bit of a noise."_

_I stood up, painfully. "The Master . . . left the nuclear bulb running. It's gone into overload."_

"_And that's bad, is it?"_

"_No. 'Cause all the access radiation gets vented inside there. Vinvocci glass. Contains it. All five hundred thousand rads about to flood that thing."_

"_Oh. Well, you'd better let me out than." _

_If only it was that simple. "Except, it's gone critical. Touch one control and it floods." I wiggled my sonic screwdriver. "Even this'd set it off."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Yeah."_

"_Just leave me."_

_It would have been so easy to just walk away. "Okay, right then, I will." But I couldn't do it. In a torrent of words, my emotions poured out as I was unable to deny them anymore. "Cause you had to go in there, didn't you? You had to go and get stuck, oh yes! Cause that's who you are, Wilfred. You were always this. Waiting for me, all this time."_

"_No really, just leave me. I'm an old man, Doctor. I've had my time."_

"_Well, exactly, look at you! Not remotely important! But me! I could do so much more!" I pounded against my chest, ignoring how much it hurt. "So much more! But this is what I get. My reward." In a burst of anger, I swept papers and equipment off a desk and onto the floor. "Well, it's not fair!" It wasn't fair. It was never fair. I let out a shuddering breath. "Oh . . . lived too long." Slowly, I straightened up and walked toward the glass booth. _

"_No." Wilf was pressed against the glass, voice quiet at first, but rising in volume with every word. "No, no, please. Please don't. No don't. Don't! Please don't! Please!" I turned to look at him, at the agony in his eyes. _

"_Wilfred," I began, "it's my honor." We stood, looking at each other, adopted father to adopted son. "Better be quick," I said and threw open the door, closing it behind me. "Three, two, one." Pressing the button, I let the unbearable heat and pain wash over me. _

His long coat slipped off easily and he tossed it aside, uninterestedly. He raised his hand, staring at the familiar glow of energy a moment. At least, he'd had a chance to say goodbye.

"_Don't go thinking this is goodbye, Wilf. I'll see you again. One more time."_

"_What do you mean? When's that?"_

"_Just . . . keep looking. I'll be there."_

"_Where're you going?"_

"_To get my reward."_

And he had gotten his reward, in a way, seeing the people he had met, the people he had created. One last time, he had been able to see them. One last time, he had been able to do them a favor.

_The mallet made a satisfying clang as it connected with the probic vent in the back of the Sontaran's neck. He dropped like a stone and, more importantly, so did his gun. I stood on the catwalk, watching Martha and Mickey Smith plan their next move. Married. Who'd have thought? It was Martha who saw me first. I wished I could run down and give both of them a hug, but I didn't have time. Instead, I just looked at them, wishing them each a silent goodbye. _

_Luke Smith wasn't paying attention to where he was going. The person driving the car speeding towards him wasn't paying attention either. Which is why it's a good thing I was there to pull him out of harm's way. He recognized me immediately, running back across the street to find his mum. I didn't have time to wait, no time to talk. Only time for a wave and a silent goodbye. _

_Jack was, of course, hanging out in an intergalactic bar. The note was easy to write, even despite the pain building inside my chest. Just a little nudge to make two people happy. I wished I could stay and see how their first meeting went, but my time was short and getting shorter. I gave Jack a one-fingered salute which he returned in strict, military fashion, an exchange of respect and of farewell._

_A Journal of Impossible Things__. Such a familiar name to a part of me hidden but not forgotten. I stood in line, waiting for Verity Newman to sign my copy of a story that was mine and yet not mine. _

_No, it's not just a story, no," she was telling the man in front of me. "Every word of it's true. I found my great-grandmother's diary in the loft. She was a nurse in 1913 and she fell in love with this man called John Smith, except he was a visitor from another world. She fell in love with a man from the stars. And she wrote it all down." _

_My turn came and I placed the book on the table. _

"_And who's it for?" she asked, without looking up._

"_The Doctor."_

"_To. The Doctor. That's funny. That's the name he used." She hesitated, closed the book, and looked up at me for the first time._

"_Was she happy?" I asked. "In the end?"_

_She stared at me. "Yes. Yes, she was." Another hesitation. "Were you?" I smiled sadly and picked up my book. I couldn't give her an answer because I didn't know. I would never know. Only wonder. _

_Donna Noble looked happier than I had ever seen her. I felt nostalgic seeing her in a wedding gown like the one she had worn when we first met. I wish . . . But there's not point. Sylvia Noble saw me first and nudged Wilf. I saw his face light up. He was alive because of me and because of him, I would die. _

"_And here you are, same old face," he said, coming through the little wicket gate. "Didn't I tell ya, you'd be alright? Oh, they've arrested Mr. Naismith. It was on the news. Crimes undisclosed. And his daughter, both of 'em locked up. Yeah, but, I keep thinking, Doctor, there's one thing you never told me. That woman, who was she?" I couldn't talk about this. My time was running out. _

"_I just wanted to give you this," I said and handed him my little envelope. "Wedding present. Thing is, I never carry money, so I just popped back in time, borrowed a quid off a really lovely man. Jeffery Noble, his name was. Have it, he said. Have that on me." Mrs. Noble gasped, hand flying to her mouth and tears starting in her eyes. I watched as they gave the present to Donna. Then I said goodbye. Wilf slowly raised his hand to give me a salute and I was glad, truly glad, that I had saved him. _

_I heard Rose and Jackie Tyler before I saw them, bantering back and forth, just like I was used to, about boyfriend's and New Year's Eve. Then there she was. My Rose. My beautiful Rose. Pain stabbed through me, pulling a moan from my lips. _

"_You alright, mate?" I looked up quickly._

"_Yeah."_

"_Too much to drink?" _

"_Something like that."_

"_Maybe it's time you went home." _

"_Yeah." She looked so beautiful standing in the snow._

"_Anyway, Happy New Year." _

"_And you." She began to walk away, but I didn't want her to go. "What year is this?"_

_She stared at me. "Blimey, how much have you had? 2005, January the first." How appropriate. The year we met and now the year I saw her for the last time. _

"_2005. Tell you what, I bet you're gonna have a really great year." _

"_Yeah?" I smiled at her and she smiled her beautiful smile back. "See ya." And then she dashed across to the door, gave me one last glance, and disappeared inside. Tears filled my eyes and then the pain hit more intense than before. My time was up._

The Doctor flipped a switch, sending the TARDIS away from Earth. He watched the time roter as it pulsed up and down. He was burning inside, burning with pain and energy. It was time.

"I don't want to go," he said, but no-one was there to listen. The choice had been made. Tears blurring his vision, golden light flared and the world went white with fire.

**The End**

**I'm gonna miss you, David Tennant! If you liked my story, please review. Please, please, please! Thanks :)**


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